Pretty in Your Pain
by SweetLiars
Summary: "I was supposed to be the image of perfection." Yuki-centric one-shot. Beware! Character Suicide!


**The title was inspired by lyrics in The Last Song I'm Wasting on You by Evanescence.**

* * *

**Pretty In Your Pain**

Violet eyes stared at the sorrowful boy in the mirror, silence flooding the otherwise empty house. They analyzed every strand of lilac hair, the thickness of his eyelashes, and the lack of broadness of his shoulders. There was never a doubt in anyone's mind that the owner of this fair skin and lithe figure, Yuki Sohma, was the paragon of beauty, grace, and perfection.

Yuki cringed at the thought. It may be true that he was more fortunate than most in his looks, and the elegance that he unconsciously showed in every movement he made could be seen as graceful. But he was far from the last.

'Perfection is an illusion,' he thought, depressing himself further. His long, nimble fingers gripped at the sides of the sink as his vision began to blur a bit at the edges. He knew it was impossible to meet everyone's expectations, but he'd always been eager to please. And he'd been okay for a moment. He was the precious rat of the zodiac, the mysterious, beloved Prince Yuki. He'd thought all he needed was the approval of everyone around him. His arms began to shake from the tightness of his hands on the sink. He had been wrong.

As time went on, he realized he had been forcing himself into a state of false happiness. He was miserable. It wasn't approval that he craved. It was acceptance. Of everything he was and wanted to be. He wanted a friend instead of an admirer. To be a human instead of a trophy. But his wish wasn't granted. No one saw the hurt in his eyes, the pain in his smile. If he were honest with himself, he knew he had a part in that. He'd guarded himself so thoroughly that he wasn't sure how to knock down the wall separating himself from the rest of the world.

Taking in a shaky breath, Yuki's legs gave out and he fell to the floor, leaning his back against the wall. The tears pooling at the base of his eyes bothered him, but he was too weak to wipe them away. He hoped they'd go away. Whoever found him would most likely see him for the weakling he was. Truth be told, if he'd shown this side of him earlier, if he'd reached out, maybe he wouldn't have been brought to such a desperate attempt to relieve himself of his anguish-slowly fading away with an empty bottle of pills placed neatly on the sink. It was a decision made from cowardice. He didn't want to feel a lot of pain; just wanted to disappear. But even though it took a certain degree of courage to commit suicide, it was still running away. From problems, from living. He'd been running all his life. By now, he was used to the feeling of disappointing himself.

Panic shooting through him like little jolts of electricity when his thoughts and memories began leaving him, Yuki felt himself becoming hollow. An empty sack of pretty boy flesh to equal the emptiness in his existence.

'Everyone must feel this way,' he thought in an attempt to comfort himself. However, he clung to his memories, to his life. Had he really made a mistake? Of course not. But he couldn't help questioning it.

"This is… for the better," he mumbled to himself, words slurring drowsily together as his head drooped toward the shiny linoleum floor. Tohru had probably just cleaned the bathroom today. The thought made him want to throw up, sickened by the fact that he was dirtying it with his dying body. But he couldn't. The pills had to stay in his stomach. He had to finish what he'd started, even though he was starting to get cold feet.

Slowly, he slipped into a deep, dark abyss. His mind was filled with sweet, sweet ignorance and his body went numb. It was finally happening. No turning back now. Thoughts and emotions were being erased, like words on a page. So easy, so simple. This fact scared him. Suddenly, the emotion that was ebbing grew strong and he began to panic. It was too fast. He didn't want it to happen this fast. He hadn't said goodbye to anyone yet. Hadn't even written a note. Why this was so important to him now he had no clue, but he wanted to see Tohru again. To glare at Shigure and fight Kyo. If he could have one more day to do these things one more time, he'd die happy. But he couldn't cry out, couldn't move. He'd created this hell and now there was no going back.

Silently, he crumbled to the floor and wept until he fell into his eternal sleep.

* * *

**This is a rewritten version of what I'd already uploaded. Hopefully this is more of a one-shot instead of a drabble. Probably still isn't long enough. But I hope it's at least written better. Please read and review-tell me what you think can be improved or just tell me you liked it. I don't care either way!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~ Aurora :3 ~**


End file.
